Strike Three!

Submitted to "I Liked Your Profile" by Constant Dater, who wrote:

"I received the following e-mail only a day or so (!) after not responding to his initial message. I don't get why guys can't take the non-response hint--I know I'd rather that than be told straight up my looks aren't up to par or that I'm so not someone's type. If you send a message and get no response, the other person isn't feeling you--no biggie, move on. Don't be whiny, or stalkerish, or whatever. Lameness like this is one of many reasons I'm leaving online dating behind and taking my chances in the big bad world."

"From: [redacted]
To:[Constant Dater's Nerve.com profile]
Subject:Not So Much?

Hi,

I've never sent a follow-up email to a non-responding person on nerve before, so I don't know if this is commonly done.

Your profile makes me think you might be willing to spend one minute helping out an online dating newbie. I've listed a palette of possible responses as multiple choice items below. If you feel like elaborating, even better... but even if you just send a reply with just a number, it might help me out.

Here are some choices for you:

1. Leave me alone, weirdo!!

2. If you had that thing where I could send you emails for free, I'd send you a note.

3. There wasn't anything in particular *wrong* with either your profile or pics, but they didn't grab me as something I'd be interested in seeing more of.

4. The introductory email you sent me was lame.

5. There's one specific thing that was a dealbreaker: It was ----- (fill in the blank).

6. Your profile is OK but I'm not a fan of your pictures.

7. Your pictures are OK but your profile doesn't match what I'm looking for.

8. I think you're ugly *and* your profile sucks.

9. You don't live in a cool borough like Brooklyn [his profile stated he lives in Manhattan, I think], and I'm not a fan of long-distance relationships.

10. Other"

Contribute your funny dating emails to ilikedyourprofile@gmail.com

Swingers Meat

Submitted by an I Liked Your Profile reader, who wrote "Adult Friend Finder doesn't really count as a "dating" site, but this was our first email after setting up our profile. Needless to say, it was a bit traumatizing for us timid little newbie swingers":

""Hi. Want to meat for some hot fun?""

As if the site doesn't explicitly advertise sex and hot fun.

Contribute your funny dating emails to ilikedyourprofile@gmail.com