Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Watch Out Woody Allen

I went on a date the other night with William. In all seriousness, he mentioned how he could truly relate to Woody Allen. I think he's got a touch of Allen humor. Here's a slew of emails from his Jdate sent box.

To the psychologist:
"Can I book an hour of couch time?"

To the entrepreneur who quit law school and her job on Wall St. to start a cookie company:
"Subject: I did it all for the cookie
Message: Wall Street, law school, now cookies. You're in it for the DOUGH!"

To the "Vice President with Looks":
"I typically only date Presidents but I would be willing to lower the bar and make an exception here."

To the girl who, well ... I can understand why she didn't write back:
"If we went on a date I think I could overcome the fact that you bear an uncanny resemblance to my sister."

To a girl who claims "Make me laugh and I become like silly puddy":
"Would be great to make you laugh so you become like silly puddy. Then we could press you against a newspaper and make an impression of the newsprint."

To the defense attorney:
"If I was a defense attorney, every night when I went to sleep, I'd shout, "The defense rests!"

To a girl who insists "I also want to meet a man who knows what he's doing in bed.":
"You got me thinking, am I a man who knows what he's doing in bed? Well, I know I'm reaching over to carve another notch on the bedpost, and sometimes I'm phoning my mates to tell them I've scored again. I'm kidding. These days it's all about text messaging."

To the graduate from a "top university":
"[...] To maintain your reputation as an MBA from a top university, you should correct the typo with "atrractive" in that last paragraph."

To the girl who loves sharks:
"P.S. -- You dig sharks, eh? I have an ancient fossilized 4" long shark tooth (that's not a pickup line)."

To the speech language pathologist:
"Subject: Aphasia got me in a haze-ia"

To the girl whose biggest turn-off is negativity:
"I'm trying to come up with a way to say, "I'm not negative", but that in itself is a double negative."

To the girl with no picture, and a "small frame" body type:
"Do you have a photo to go with that small frame of yours?"


To the readers, William seems a bit frustrated that none of his emails have received a response (albeit my own.) Can you give him some advice/suggestions/tweaks for his pick-up lines? Please feel free to comment below for William's sake. Oh, and check out his blog Shabot6000--which features animations that are wildly popular around the world.
Contribute your funny dating emails to ilikedyourprofile@gmail.com

3 Comments:

Blogger Fifa said...

I've been looking for online dating blogs like this. Glad you found mine so I could find yours!

As for William, if he sent me any one of those lines I'd probably think he was a jerk or an idiot. But when read all together, he sounds hilarious. I think the trick is to write a profile that gives a good sense of his humor so the ladies understand where he's coming from. Women love funny guys, they just need to realize William's joking to fully appreciate him.

10:51 PM  
Blogger Marc Hirsch said...

Lines like these can totally work, but only in person or as a followup to an initial contact. Without context they come off badly

1:11 PM  
Blogger Marc Hirsch said...

Lines like these can totally work, but only in person or as a followup to an initial contact. Without context they come off badly

1:11 PM  

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