Thursday, October 11, 2007

The Brainstormer

An email I recently received:
"Subject: just kiss me and get it over with!
Message: Hey

Just finished reading your new bio and noticed that you look like an interesting pain in the butt. :)Gotta love a girl who knows NPR, can share an espresso and have an edge at the same time (That’s as long as you are that cute woman from the photo, and not some 900 pound woman who stole her cute friend photo to attract a gorgeous “boy” just like me) :)anywayssss, I’m sure that there’s a lot more to you than what you put in your profile, and definitely it would be interesting to discover the rest and also to see how you behave in public and if you can be nice to the stuff (waiter/waitresses) if we ever to meet. Hopefully you are not a typical New Yorker which will be very refreshing on Jdate (and I’m sure you know what I am talking about with all those corny Emails and generic personalities) so if you are emotionally available and you are NOT taking any prescription drugs these days, and you ready to stop browsing and start spending time with someone real write back and say hi (But please do not use hi, as you can see it’s already taken) Looking forward to do some brainstorming.

Don’t be shy
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Thursday, August 16, 2007

Out-of-Towner Bootie Call

An obvious template email I recently received from an out-of-towner:
"Subject: This weekend

Hi there in NYC,

Greetings from Chicago. No, I’m not obsessing from a distance or looking forward to a big move to your fair city.

I am, however, visiting NY on business this weekend. Which will keep me busy for the vast majority of my time, but I do not have anything planned from Sunday night until my Monday night flight back to the safe confines of the Midwest.

And yes, dear reader, that is where you become part of my not so nefarious plans. I know next to nobody in the city, and the city herself and I have only had the most fleeting of engagements. So, I thought, were you not busy and were you so inclined, that we could hang out, doing something fun, have a memorable discussion, eat a wonderful meal and so on and so forth. No, as attractive as you are, I am not setting a crash course to get into your pants. Although I am never opposed to making out, should the mood strike. But that, at least on paper, is as dangerous as I get.

So, yeah, it is a bit of a crazy proposition. But I am really interesting, I promise. And nice, and funny, and laidback. You just might like me.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

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Monday, July 23, 2007

London Just Around the Corner

A recent email I received from a strange man in London, with whom I had never before exchanged emails.
Date: 07/01/2007 04:22 PM
Subject: Next time you're in London
Message: Please join me for rollerblading and sushi. You know it makes sense.

Tommy X
I have never been to London.
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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

The Wacko Photo

Submitted by an I Liked Your Profile reader, who claims the picture was a normal photograph:
Subject: IM Messages You Missed!
Message: hey, I love the wacko picture. you were drunk in that one right?. hello?
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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Cat Man

Submitted by an I Liked Your Profile reader, claiming that Elliot wrote to her "twice, in one day", anxiously awaiting a response:

Email #1:
"Subject: Hi
Message: I have lots of quirks and a few cats

Care to talk? chat? argue?


Email #2, 1 hour later:
"Subject: well
Message: I tried...

Now I will go eat a whole pie"
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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Marathon Man

Submitted by an I Liked Your Profile reader:
Subject: Email
Message: From Ben New
You are pretty and sexy. I am big on tongue kissing. I am great in bed. I have a lot of endurance. I can make love 3/4 of night. I need some fun in my life for a change. If you wish to answer this that is fine, if you want to send me your phone number I will call you. I am off today and tomorrow and have an empty schedule, so if you would like to meet me in person, that would be fun! I want to go get breakfast at noon now.

phones # is xxx-xxx-xxxx
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Monday, June 18, 2007

Quirky or Not?

Submitted by an ILYP reader:
"Subject: Quirks
Message: Would you consider taking toothpicks with me to the movies because I love popcorn but I hate it in my teeth a quirk or just plain dorky?

While we're on the topic of popcorn and teeth, I have question for ILYP readers: You're on a first date, and much to your embarassment, your date smiles during the meal and reveals a big, dark piece of food stuck in between his/her front teeth. Do you tell the date, or just remain silent to avoid the awkwardness? And, how do you tell them? With a signal, a verbal cue, do you lick your own teeth to gesture that they do the same?
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