Monday, May 01, 2006

Counting the Days

Submitted by a new "I Liked Your Profile" reader, who wrote:
"So, this guy and i went to lunch after exchanging THREE emails. i think he thought that meant we were super close. this is the email i got from him a few days (three) after we met for lunch. awesome. the icing on the cake was that i had been called out of town to take care of my grandmother who had just had a nasty fall. i considered emailing him back letting him know why i hadn't emailed, but sort of decided i don't really like talking to crazys. "

His email:

"For whatever it's worth, it's pretty pathetic to write the amount of emails we wrote, ask them all types of questions, and then to never talk to someone again after you have one lunch together. I don't know if you are busy, just don't care, or whatever it is. You can't treat people like that. I don't care if you did meet them on the internet. I didn't even find you attractive, but I would have at least been your friend. Now, I don't even want to be that.

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Blogger Dan said...

Three days? Seems a bit premature to write you off so soon -- not to mention the crass way he did it -- but in a way I can feel for the guy.

All too often we'll go on what we thought was a great date, write to say how much we enjoyed meeting them, and ... nothing. A couple of days later, we'll try again, and ... again, nada. This really does happen quite a bit to guys; while women say "why doesn't he call?", we guys ask "why doesn't she call/write BACK?"

Let's say you did write back. He probably wouldn't have believed you. Instead of hearing "I had a good time, but I don't think there's a match", we men more often get strung along; the schedule full of funerals, family reunions, visiting friends from out-of-town, and late night business meetings, "but try next week." Next week, the same thing. Week after that, the same.

Whether it's the lack of a response (for a valid reason, in this case) or the endless "delays" in scheduling a second date, this might have been the straw that broke the camel's back. I hope this doesn't color opinion of all men, though. The "well, I didn't like you anyway" response is kind of high school-ish, but it's not representative of how all men would respond.

9:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found this post to be SO funny... because as a woman, this happens to us in reverse all the time!

I think it's rude not to let someone know what you felt about them after a date. Well, it's not the worst crime in the world, but it really feels yucky when you're just waiting and waiting.

I don't have a timeline for these sorts of things... I don't live by any 1-day/3-day/1-week rules. Instead, I usually feel that as soon as I've made a decision about another person, that's the moment when I have to let them know. So as a woman, I don't usually wait more than 24-48 hours, and then send a nice email, or a phonecall.

3 days might not feel like a long time since you didn't like the guy too much it seems (or clearly, had other plans come up). But if he liked you, then 3 days for him was an eternity.

However, how he handled it is tacky. I do give you that.

10:55 AM  
Blogger EMS said...

i agree with anonymous. once you decide for sure, write an email or return the call. i don't feel right ignoring the person i'm not interested in, although i don't get insulted when i'm ignored by those not interested in me. it's just the way of the world. most people just don't have the guts to say "no". my breakup emails are honest- something to the likes of "just wanted to let you know i had a nice time with you, but i don't think the chemistry is there. you're a great guy, and there's a great girl waiting to meet you." it's not SO template, but it works and EVERY man appreciates it more than being ignored.

1:08 PM  
Anonymous Grins said...

Oh good grief, I think I dated that guy before. I received a similiar email in the past and like the person that sent it in, I had been away on a family emergency. I decided to look at it as a gift. A gift of knowing early the person was off their rocker and I didn't have to waste more time having to learn that.

5:06 PM  
Blogger Constant Dater said...

I'm not bothered if I go on a date and don't hear from the person again; likewise, after one date if there was no chemistry or whatever, I don't contact the person again. I mean, it was one date, we don't owe each other anything, so it doesn't really warrant a "break up". Take the clue and move on.

And what if it's not just a non-chemistry date, but a horrible date? Do you have to give the nice brush off then, or are you allowed to disappear, or should you tell them exactly why they were a terrible date?

Why is it mostly guys who want to be told explicitly "No, I don't want to see you again"? It's much easier for my ego to infer someone's non-interest in me than to have it spelled out.

1:21 PM  

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