Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Jailbird Love

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader, who received this message on Friendster:

Subject: Looking for pen pals
Message: "Hi, I'm doing this for my friend Greg and will have a picture up soon. He's in prison and looking for a few pen pals to write to until he gets out. If you're interested I can give you his address, or if you want to talk first, give me your phone number and he can call you. I know you're thinking it, so I'll just tell you. He's in there because he slept with a girl before really getting to know her and she accused him of rape. He's so innocent though, and I think you'll really like him if you give him a chance. So think about it, and listen to your heart - Can you be a friend to someone who really needs one now more than ever? I hope you can. I'm looking forward to hearing back from you real soon. If not, have a great day anyway."
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Thursday, May 25, 2006

We're All Just a Bunch of Monkeys

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader:

"Subject: people and snarkyness

You are potential.

Someone with ideals, intellect, and something to say
showed up on this thing.

An individual to be loud with, argue, fight, and then
laugh about the whole damn fuckup that is this world.

This world is stuffed with dumb shit bubble people who
dont realise that were all a bunch of monkeys, and it
doesnt matter what the other monkeys think. We give
monkey awards to other monkeys that are popular with

ook ook.

So from one monkey to another. Tell me youve got
something, anything, interesting to say. This wave of
dumbasses needs to come to an end. Someone with
concepts and ideals who is curious about their world
beyond the fucking television is such a FUCKING
WONDERFUL concept.

Oh. Also, you might as well have written my bio..

Smart, with the ego. Snarky as fuck, and so honest Ive
been nearly fired for my "lip." Oh wait, that means im
tactless. Yeah, that too. I consider myself a
neo-hippie. Hippie ideals and practices, but with a
diversified financial portfolio. Love my cat, and yes,
Im jewish.

Ive been looking for a quality excuse to get back to
philly, and you at minimum qualify for this diversion.

Get back to me."
Contribute your funny dating emails to ilikedyourprofile@gmail.com

Monday, May 22, 2006

Lucky Duck. Not.

One of my very own:
Message #1:

"Any luck on here yet?" :) Jessy


"this is rather funny, since I think i've received this same message from you 15 times in a few months. i really don't know how to answer your question, since I'm still on here.- EMS"

Message #2

"Maybe we could talk on the phone sometime?- Jessy"

Apparently, he didn't get the sarcasm, and went straight for the kill.

On a different note, I Liked Your Profile will only go so far as the amount of email submissions from its readers. If you have any funny dating emails (and if you're a man who received something funny from a woman, ILYP could really use a change of pace), please dig 'em up and fork 'em over. You know who you are. Otherwise, this blog will cease to exist soon. Onward and upward, daters.
Contribute your funny dating emails to ilikedyourprofile@gmail.com

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Swingers Included

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader, who posted an ad in a Singles section, and received a response from Swingers:
"Hello- The weather is slowly changing and Fall is my favorite time of year. I'm seriously hoping to find something special this Fall and wanted to see if you're game. I'm not sure if we'd be something you'd consider pursuing but we found your add attractive and thought we'd take a chance. Maybe you'd take a chance too? If you're interested we'd love to go out some night and see if there's a chemistry to mesh. We have both AIM and Yahoo IM if you want to arrange a time to chat and I'm more than happy to discuss things over the phone whenever you're available.
We're a NYC based married couple looking for something incredibly compelling and fantastic. I've attached a few pix below and I have plenty more but briefly I'm 27 bi 5'6" 125lbs 36b blonde hair green eyes and shaved below while he's 35 str8 6'4" 225lbs dark hair eyes and considered sexy. We've played as a couple for the past 4 years and have had a variety of adventures which we can discuss further if you're intrigued. I'll follow up with more about me/us if I hear back from you. Not sure how innocent our fun would be but I'm open to any and all recommendations ;)!
Hope this finds you well."
Contribute your funny dating emails to ilikedyourprofile@gmail.com

Thursday, May 11, 2006

George Clooney-ish

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader:
"Very goodlooking guy, George Clooney-ish I'm told.
Wildly into anal beads. Interested? Meet for coffee,
lunch, drinks."
Contribute your funny dating emails to ilikedyourprofile@gmail.com

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

The Sleezy Skier

The following is an instant message transcript, submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader:
makemyday: hi
makemyday: do oyu ski
ILYP Reader: yes
makemyday: indoors
ILYP Reader: only
makemyday: would oyu like to
ILYP Reader: why do you keep spelling "you" as
makemyday: bad typist
ILYP Reader: i guess i would like to. why? are we
going to Japan to ski indoors?
makemyday: i meant the party type
makemyday: here
ILYP Reader: um, sorry, but now i have no idea
what you're talking about.
ILYP Reader: drugs?
makemyday: y
ILYP Reader: ah. hey, i'm not that type of girl
ILYP Reader: good luck
Contribute your funny dating emails to ilikedyourprofile@gmail.com

Breaking Up After Seven Emails

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader:

His e-mail to me:
"I understand if you don't like me. That I can deal with. What I don't really like is being bullshitted. You read it right: bullshitted. If writing a few letters to you and expressing the fact that I happen to like you a lot and that you're a beautiful girl is "coming on too strongly," then either the world has changed a great deal since I learned the ways of dating, or you're bullshitting me. Please spare me the "business-like" dismissal and the contrived reasons for rejecting me. Just spare me, and tell the truth. Put yourself in my shoes. If you really liked someone, what would you have done? Acted like you DIDN'T like them? If that's your philosophy, prepare to live a very lonely existence. Maybe I'm just a little too damn honest for today's "dating games." I just wish you'd have met me in person because you'd have seen what an impressive person you're leaving behind. That's not arrogance, it's true. It's your loss, dear."

My e-mail to him, after he sends me SEVEN e-mails, which I did not reply to:
"Thanks for your replies. Unfortunately, I just don't think this will be a match. I'm so sorry. While all of the attention was very flattering, I'm afraid you just came on a bit too strong for me. Best of luck in your search!'
Contribute your funny dating emails to ilikedyourprofile@gmail.com

Monday, May 01, 2006

Counting the Days

Submitted by a new "I Liked Your Profile" reader, who wrote:
"So, this guy and i went to lunch after exchanging THREE emails. i think he thought that meant we were super close. this is the email i got from him a few days (three) after we met for lunch. awesome. the icing on the cake was that i had been called out of town to take care of my grandmother who had just had a nasty fall. i considered emailing him back letting him know why i hadn't emailed, but sort of decided i don't really like talking to crazys. "

His email:

"For whatever it's worth, it's pretty pathetic to write the amount of emails we wrote, ask them all types of questions, and then to never talk to someone again after you have one lunch together. I don't know if you are busy, just don't care, or whatever it is. You can't treat people like that. I don't care if you did meet them on the internet. I didn't even find you attractive, but I would have at least been your friend. Now, I don't even want to be that.

Contribute your funny dating emails to ilikedyourprofile@gmail.com