Thursday, June 29, 2006

The Flip-Flop Cheese Master

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader. The reader claims that Jason sent her a thread of emails a year ago, before arranging a date with her. This is the first email he sent:
"Do you believe that we have twins?

Without knowing you, but just looking at your photos and how you write about yourself, I can say with some sort of sureness that you are exactly like my friend Margot. This is a high compliment, as Margot is one of the best people I know.

When we last met we drank Champagne and ended up taking our glasses out for a walk down 15th St.

But... I know you're not Margot. Maybe I will get the chance to know you as well?


They arranged a date, but he canceled the night of the date, claiming he preferred to meet with a different girl he met online, for whom he had a "better feeling".
The following is his email one year later,apparently after that "better feeling" relationship flopped:
"How’s Park Slope?

I’m not sure if you remember me or not, but we were chatting for a short while last fall. I had actually canceled on meeting you to meet someone else. Well let that be a powerful lesson to me about how much online dating sucks. Since then I’ve come to the conclusion that most of the people on this site aren’t for me. I guess it pays to be a picky shopper after all.

Point of email… if you don’t think I’m a big moron (which I would accept) maybe you’d like to pick up the thread.

If nothing else. please buy some cheese. This is a project I’ve been working on non-stop since January, and loving it.

Hmmm. Anything else. I bought a farm table, but have no chairs.


Her response:
"you've got to be joking. buy some cheese? what is this, spam????"
Jason's reply:
" Everything is spam. It's not often you can say you're in advertising and selling something that actually makes the world a better place. It's better than hocking another server or soda drink. However, yes, an odd thing to mention in an email. But for every silly hunk of cheese that goes out the door, that's money in the bank account of some family farm.

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Jaded Jdater

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader:
"I can say most woman on this thing are b*****s. As far as the men, I really don't know. All I've heard from people on this site is that all there looking for is sex."
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Friday, June 16, 2006

Beer Me A Child

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader. I liked this one a lot! Ridiculously funny.
From: romeo
To [---]
Date 22 minutes ago
Subject hi

"i am looking for a female that has god feeling,and that will be a fature wife for me and beer me a child pls try to send me a massege as soon you see this thank you"
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Monday, June 12, 2006

Let's Be Jewish Friends. Not.

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" Jdater:

Subject: Hate Jdate
"I'm really just looking for more friends. I'm jewish, but as a jew always felt like an outsider around other jews. Kind of like I'm cursed to have all these jewish traits, yet not comfortable enough around other jews to commiserate.

if you're not averse to just hanging out with a guy who's looking for friends please email me at

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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

A Sincere Offering

Submitted by a fellow blogger, who said that she received this email sent to her Nerve profile last December during the NYC transit strike:

Sender: [redacted]
To: [Constant Dater's profile]
"ok, so i leave for costa rica early tomorrow morning but i've never learned how to pack properly. i know this might sound insane but how would you like to come over to my loft and help me pack while i'll cook an amazing dinner, share a great bottle of wine and you can make fun of my terrible haircut all you want. i totally realize how unreasonable and forward this offer is, specially given the strike, but on the other hand it's sincere and has all the makings of a unexpectedly great thursday night."
Sender: [Constant Dater's profile]
To: [redacted]
"What a bizarre come-on. Requests like yours are what Craigslist Casual Encounters is for. All the same, good luck with your quest for fast-packing pussy."
Sender: [redacted]
To: [Constant Dater's profile]
"may i suggest you try on different lenses, the ones you've got on now seem awfully jaded.

no need to reply."
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Thursday, June 01, 2006

Staying Abreast of Dating Etiquette

This is my favorite submission yet!!! Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader, who said that she "had only exchanged one other email with this guy before he dropped this one on" her:
"so do u mind dating a guy that is 6'4? lol...since u are 5' look like u work out alot, thats' awesome, i played sports in college so i like to stay fit....ok, the guy in me now is coming out, i have to ask for such a small girl, are they real? lol....they can't be...what size are u, if u wana share? i didn't know it was supposed to snow today, it's crazy outside, well if i didnd't offend, which i didn'dt mean to do, i hope to hear from you again!"

I responded with this:

"No, I'm not offended by your question. In fact, you're probably just saying what a lot of other guys are thinking when they see my picture. What can I say...I am genetically blessed, in more ways than one. Believe it or not I'm actually smart and have a great personality too. A little dating advice for you in the might want to stick with "I like your smile" and save the bra size questions for when you've at least met the person. Oh, and by the way, they're not only real, but they look even better in person...too bad you couldn't be respectful enough to wait and find out for yourself.

Believe it or not he wouldn't give up:

"It wasnt' a matter of being respectful, because i was respectful about thing about me, i'm a very honest, sometimes too honest person about things....if i like things, i ask about them...not saying i only wanna talk to you about your boobs, have a great smile and it is the first thing i noticed abou tyou and that you sem to be very down to earth, career oriented, but still value your time with friends and actually the "boobs" is the last thing i noticed and on such a beautiful, fit girl, they are big and i had to ask....didn't know if i should thank ur genes or a plastic they are beautiful as u since you probably don't wanan talk to me anymore, can i at least ask how big you are? i would guessa full C i right?"
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