Friday, December 30, 2005

The Day After...

A third date with an onliner, I received this email:
J: "i had a nice time last night.... i(I also liked kissing your boobies)"
ILYP: "Can I put this in my blog?"
J: " can put it on a t-shirt for all i care."
It didn't work out.
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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Another Reason To Try Online Dating

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader:
"How diesel r u?

See if my profile makes you incontinent"

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Monday, December 26, 2005

The Grammatically Inept English Teacher

"Hello> My name is Sam, I a teach English at a public H.S in Brooklyn. I have a strong feeling thaty we may click. If .you feel so E mail me. P.S.s I'm, much better lookin in person. I'm from Staten Is -land and Brooklyn, I'M very Educated and have diverse intersts from Blues to Emiril, BAM. E-Mail me if you'd like. I promise you will aot be dissapointed. Hope to hear from you. Sincerly , Happy holidays. I'm an awesome cook too, and mostly I'm a genuinely a nice, good hearted guy who comes from a good family.We would go together like white on rice.LOL"
I swear I didn't edit (*except his name) a word of this email, including the ">." Should I write him back?
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Friday, December 23, 2005

Pumpkin- I need a Momma for my babies

Submitted recently by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader, who recently joined the ranks of online dating for the first time:

"Pumpkin- I need a Momma for my babies. My future ones- you look like you have spectacular ovaries. I wear boxers and have no cavities or allergies. What's your brand of toothpaste?

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Sunday, December 18, 2005

Ishmael: My Very Own African Mail-Order Groom

As I began writing tonight's entry, I heard that familiar ding on Jdate that alerts you to someone interested in having an Instant Chat. Annoyed at the disturbance, I was quite surprised at the site of the voluptuous Jamare, from Ghana, captured in the photo here. The following was my conversation with Jamare/Ishmael, my African Mail-Order Bride (sorry, Groom.)
Jamare: Hello
Jamare: How are you doing?
ILikedYourProfile: Fine, Jamare. How are you?
Jamare: am fine
Jamare: My name is Jamare
Jamare: and you?
ILikedYourProfile: Ellen.
Jamare: Nice name
ILikedYourProfile: Thanks
Jamare: am 30 and you?
ILikedYourProfile: 31
Jamare: okay
Jamare: am male from Ghana
Jamare: and you?
ILikedYourProfile: female from New York. my, you
have a very feminine look, Jamare.
Jamare: I dont have jdate id so i use my sister own.
Jamare: My real name is Ishmael.
ILikedYourProfile: Ah ha. I knew it all along.
ILikedYourProfile: So what brings you to jdate and
chatting with American women?
Jamare: Becouse am single and looking for a serious
woman for my life and my sister ask me to come in
ILikedYourProfile: Aren't there any serious women in ghana?
Jamare: Am looking for white woman for my life.
ILikedYourProfile: Interesting. That may be a bit
difficult in Ghana.
Jamare: Yes
Jamare: I hope you arenot mad at me.
ILikedYourProfile: and your sister wants to meet a
white man?
Jamare: Yes
ILikedYourProfile: Have you ever been to the United
States, Ishmael?
Jamare: Am now look to come and live there.
Jamare: That is why i am looking for you.
ILikedYourProfile: Really. When are you coming?
Jamare: If you will accept me for you life.
Jamare: Love can make you do things that you never
thought possible.
Jamare: The best thing about loving and being hurt is
that you get to know what true love really is.
Jamare: True love can blind you but at the same time
if you let it, it can also open your eyes.
Jamare: Love, an emotion so strong that you would
give up everything.
ILikedYourProfile: Are you Jewish?
Jamare: No
Jamare: Why do you ask?
ILikedYourProfile: Um, because this is a Jewish
Jamare: Yes, but I like white Jewish American women.
Jamare: Can i give you my numberso that you can tex
or call?
Jamare: To just feel it once, to know that you are part
of something special, and perhaps my bride.
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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Watch Out Woody Allen

I went on a date the other night with William. In all seriousness, he mentioned how he could truly relate to Woody Allen. I think he's got a touch of Allen humor. Here's a slew of emails from his Jdate sent box.

To the psychologist:
"Can I book an hour of couch time?"

To the entrepreneur who quit law school and her job on Wall St. to start a cookie company:
"Subject: I did it all for the cookie
Message: Wall Street, law school, now cookies. You're in it for the DOUGH!"

To the "Vice President with Looks":
"I typically only date Presidents but I would be willing to lower the bar and make an exception here."

To the girl who, well ... I can understand why she didn't write back:
"If we went on a date I think I could overcome the fact that you bear an uncanny resemblance to my sister."

To a girl who claims "Make me laugh and I become like silly puddy":
"Would be great to make you laugh so you become like silly puddy. Then we could press you against a newspaper and make an impression of the newsprint."

To the defense attorney:
"If I was a defense attorney, every night when I went to sleep, I'd shout, "The defense rests!"

To a girl who insists "I also want to meet a man who knows what he's doing in bed.":
"You got me thinking, am I a man who knows what he's doing in bed? Well, I know I'm reaching over to carve another notch on the bedpost, and sometimes I'm phoning my mates to tell them I've scored again. I'm kidding. These days it's all about text messaging."

To the graduate from a "top university":
"[...] To maintain your reputation as an MBA from a top university, you should correct the typo with "atrractive" in that last paragraph."

To the girl who loves sharks:
"P.S. -- You dig sharks, eh? I have an ancient fossilized 4" long shark tooth (that's not a pickup line)."

To the speech language pathologist:
"Subject: Aphasia got me in a haze-ia"

To the girl whose biggest turn-off is negativity:
"I'm trying to come up with a way to say, "I'm not negative", but that in itself is a double negative."

To the girl with no picture, and a "small frame" body type:
"Do you have a photo to go with that small frame of yours?"

To the readers, William seems a bit frustrated that none of his emails have received a response (albeit my own.) Can you give him some advice/suggestions/tweaks for his pick-up lines? Please feel free to comment below for William's sake. Oh, and check out his blog Shabot6000--which features animations that are wildly popular around the world.
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Sunday, December 11, 2005

Sowing Royal Oats

Sumitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" Reader:

"I have come back home from working these past few nights to look at your face. You might call me shallow, I am a gardener, I get energized by this weather and I become rather intense this time of year, forgive me. I have always found myself attracted to women with dark eyes and long hair and you have been easy on mine.

Besides that, you must have a lot of energy yourself with all of those things you want to do, have done and are going for...I am enjoying your active lifestyle by just reading it...what have you been doing for fun lately what havent you done that you'd like to do in the immediate future but havent?"

By the way, here's a site for Single Gardeners - Legitimate Online Dating for Gardening Enthusiasts . Yes, there is an online dating site for just about any enthusiast out there.
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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Kisses From Ori

"Hello, you seems sweet & sexy, and I would love to know you (much!) better or I should say "in & out"... I feel we have chemistry and we are looking for same things. You will not be disapointed, as I heard many times that I am "every women's dream..." would love to hear your voice. I can be reached at xxx-xxx-xxxx or Kisses, Ori"

I only wish I could post Ori's photo. Imagine a 45-year-old Israeli pimp with Ray Ban Motorcyle Glasses.
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Wednesday, December 07, 2005


Every once in a while we discover that our loved ones are having secret, unfaithful encounters. How we find out is another topic. This particular woman emailed me when she found out that her CyberLover couldn't break the online habit, and had an insatiable compulsion for cybercheating.

Dean's Girlfriend:

"This is Dean's girlfriend.... just thought you should know before you meet this guy for drinks that I have been living with him for the last 7 months and dating him for the last 9 when I found out that he has been going on Jdate and emailing other women. He told me that it was just for fun and meant nothing, that he still loves me and wants to marry me and have children with me. I don't think I can stay with him, but I thought you should know this as he has been dishonest with me. He lied about being on Jdate and I actually found it on his computer. I am heartbroken but he thinks it is all for fun. Ultimately it is up to you but he hasn't been honest with me or with any of the 30 other women he emails per day. then again we met on jdate too. -good luck"

My reply to him:

"Are you aware of the fact that your girlfriend emailed me from your jdate account?"

Dean's reply:

"Now i know, but we're not together anymore. She just feel bad if that make her feel better it's ok. do u mind?"

Nah. Sure Dean, no problem. What time are we meeting for drinks?

If you have a sneaky suspicion about the person courting you from a dating site, I suggest you check out:


where you can type in the profile username and find out the gossip.
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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Men Who Live With Their Moms

First thing--a disclaimer. All emails that I post on this blog will not use the real names of their senders. If you submit an email to me that you would like to have published, I will only change the name (even if you have already) and not the content.

Now, to move on. Thanks to Scott for the big plug. Your following boosted my page counter from 5-85 in minutes. You deserve a ......well, a pat on the back. Scott has a very funny blog. Read his Greatest Hits. He reminds himself of Larry David, and I suggest you check it out here:

The Devil's Playground....

One reader sent a couple of emails from suitors on her account. I post them here:

Email #1 (which was emailed to her repeatedly):

"hi, i saw your profile and thought i would throw myself at you along with all the other guys out there..i am 37 years old, i live downtown nyc, people say i am very good looking ( trying to say that without sounding like an ass) ha..this may scare you off, but i am very open minded and can be bi sexual...... if you are interested. let me know and i can send a pic. -j"

Email #2:

"Wow, you're a real person. Great. I guess we have a couple of options here. We could start an email relationship, fall madly in love, and maybe even get a priest to marry us in a live chat ceremony... Then again, maybe we could get together for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation and make friends. And then after I can validate that you're actually the cute gal in this picture I saw of you, we can talk about the online marriage thing. Give me a call tonight. My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx. I'm a pretty busy person, and I can't guarantee that I'll be home, but give a try. And please call before 11 PM because that's when my mom makes me go to sleep. By the way, where can I reach you if I want to call you ten times a day?"

Talk soon.

Anyone have suggestions for a response to Email #1???


Jewish Bloggers

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Sunday, December 04, 2005

Do You Do It?


How often? Once or twice a week? Every day? All day?

Chances are, you may be one of the 20 million Americans doing it. Doing it meaning checking your email inbox on any one of the online dating websites. If your answer is yes, then you've most likely received a variety of emails during your tenure on the market. In some cases, you may even open your dating inbox to some of the funniest, most kitsch or outlandish pick-up lines you've ever heard.

Thanks to Alec and his email that arrived in my inbox this summer, I was inspired to create "I Liked Your Profile."

who: Alec
site: Jdate

“Hey, this is Charle's friend Alec. Not a Jdate member. He told me to check out your profile. So what's up? Let me get to the point. You seem very cool. Obviously hot. Very sexy (hope you can take compliments well.) Born and raised in Manhattan. Volunteered for the Israeli army (paratroopers). Finance guy. Not religious. Spiritual/Zionist. Handsome, bald sexy guy. Jewish Vin Diesal. Athletic. Love working out, running etc. More importantly very passionate! Sexuality running through my veins. I love touch. That includes cuddling too! I've been out east on the weekends this summer. Amagansett. Flip flops, bbq/clambakes. Sunset beach is awesome. Would love to get drinks or have you join me in my sleeping bag for a sleepover on the beach. Let me know which one you're more comfortable with... see u soon...xoxo- Alec"

I Liked Your Profile is the place for you to share the fun and laughs. C'mon. Just do it. I want to peek at your inbox--post your suitors' emails right here, and share the laughter.

Feel free to banter, debate, or maybe even meet a mate. Ciao.
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Legality & Privacy Notice

By submitting information to I Liked Your Profile, you grant I Liked Your Profile a perpetual, royalty-free license to use, reproduce, modify, publish, distribute, and otherwise exercise all copyright and publicity rights with respect to that information at its sole discretion, including storing it on I Liked Your Profile servers and incorporating it in other works in any media now known or later developed including without limitation published books.

If you do not wish to grant I Liked Your Profile these rights, it is suggested that you do not submit information to this website. I Liked Your Profile reserves the right to select, edit and arrange submissions, and to remove information from the I Liked Your Profile website at any time at its sole discretion.

All emails submitted by readers and posted on I Liked Your Profile will not use the real names of their senders. If you submit an email to I Liked Your Profile that you would like to have published, I Liked Your Profile will only change the name (even if you have already) and not the content.
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