Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Marathon Man

Submitted by an I Liked Your Profile reader:
Subject: Email
Message: From Ben New
You are pretty and sexy. I am big on tongue kissing. I am great in bed. I have a lot of endurance. I can make love 3/4 of night. I need some fun in my life for a change. If you wish to answer this that is fine, if you want to send me your phone number I will call you. I am off today and tomorrow and have an empty schedule, so if you would like to meet me in person, that would be fun! I want to go get breakfast at noon now.

phones # is xxx-xxx-xxxx
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Monday, June 18, 2007

Quirky or Not?

Submitted by an ILYP reader:
"Subject: Quirks
Message: Would you consider taking toothpicks with me to the movies because I love popcorn but I hate it in my teeth a quirk or just plain dorky?

While we're on the topic of popcorn and teeth, I have question for ILYP readers: You're on a first date, and much to your embarassment, your date smiles during the meal and reveals a big, dark piece of food stuck in between his/her front teeth. Do you tell the date, or just remain silent to avoid the awkwardness? And, how do you tell them? With a signal, a verbal cue, do you lick your own teeth to gesture that they do the same?
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Monday, June 11, 2007

Weight a Minute

Submitted by Sexagenarian and the City, who wrote the following:

Background: the 'weight' category in my profile info accidentally got shifted from 116 to 152. It was worth the error to get this wonderful message from a man (age 66) with whom I was corresponding:
"Uncomfortable going there, but wonder if there was a missprint in the defining of your physical makeup and likes. While I consider 5'3 petite in height, the weight of 152 does not seem to be consistent with petite. As you also can see, I run and work out EVERY day, and shape is most important to me. Yet I appreciate your candor, and do not feel I am shortsighted in stating the importance of physical activity in my life. Yet I love a great meal as does the next, and in fact must admit I work out so much so I can eat what I want without putting on a pound or two. If you arestill not uncomfortable with these caveats, then you still sound like a lovely person. I just do not want to be accused of being narrow in my preferences."
visit Sexagenarian and the City to see how this 'relationship'played out...not happily! but amusingly.
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Friday, June 08, 2007

Long Distance Soulmate

A recent dating email I received from an overly enthusiastic emailer, who lives 1300 miles away from New York City.

Message: Hello: I hope you have an interesting , exciting, explosive day today.

BY THE WAY, my name is : WILLIS.

I would like to meet someone: friendly, sincere, outgoing, fun, family-oriented.

I am interested in starting a new acquaintance, and dialogue with you.

I look forward in hearing from you.


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Wednesday, June 06, 2007

The Banker

Submitted by an ILYP reader, who wrote that the following email came from "an aged Marlon Brando look-alike"
"I have my butterfly net in hand. You seem like a sweet down to earth woman. I am a powerful man in the banking industry and am lloking for a fiend to share with, to hold hands and tlak about our fynnt family stories and my life of adventure. I am a man of waelthand taste but usually don't tell anyone. It kind of spoils things sometimes. I am confident, not coky nor pretentious, usually get what I want. So are you coming voluntarily or do I need to sweep you off your feet. I'd rather save the charm for latter on. I am a weekend rider, weekday suit and time man in the banking industry.
and definitely not the biker type. I just like to ride. No tatoos or
piercings, suit and tie professsional, well educated, sincere and
low key, yet bold and assertive at the same time. Share your better qualities with me. I can change your like forever if the sparks fly."

then later that day, from the same guy...
Subject: can we talk?
"I'm a talker, not a chatter. I like to hear an intriguing womens voice.
Can you please call me tonight? I'm up until 12:00.

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