Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The Tragically Romantic One

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader:

"i think i knew it was her from the start. i was talking with my new boss, i just started the job that day, when she walked by. her hair was up except for those few little strands that hung down. maybe her smile, the way she tilted her head or just how her eyes met mine. i could feel my heart. i think the blood swelled up my eardrums because i wasnt listening to a word my boss said. all i was trying to do was figure out what the attraction was. she wasnt a 6' blonde with huge breasts that one might gawk at. she was her. not trying to prove anything -- safe with who she was. as the weeks went by i admired her -- still trying to figure out what the attraction is.... i tried so many times to get close to her. start some sort of conversation, but as i drew close my nerves took over. though considered by most to be attractive -- i did not feel that way around her. all i really wanted was to know about her..... like what makes her happy? even sad? what her favorite ice-cream flavor was or just if she likes sushi. has she ever had thai food? if she were to travel where would she love to go? i wanted to know if she combs her hair before she lays to sleep or takes baths to calm herself? wanted to know what her laughs were like... what her cries were like.... does she remember to place the napkin on her lap or does seeing someone else do it remind her of it? can she just jump into a pair of sweats and run out or does she have to be prep-ed every time.......

i guess i wanted to know about her....

jonathan "
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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

5 Days a Week

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader:

Day 1:
yeah...i don't have a pic up. had to take it down...too many undesirables trying to harrass me. but i'm good looking...don't worry bout that. i'll send you a picture. but more importantly, i rule this town. born and raised right here in maaaaaaanhattan. and i want to show you the nooks and crannies of this place. welcome to the big apple made the right choice. read my bio and let's hang a bit. samuel

Day 2:
haven't heard from you yet. trust me i'm hot! funny too. let's have a drink no big whoop what's your email, i'll send you a pic. later for you- samuel

Day 3:
i have floor seats for cream monday in? call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. stop wasting time with the others!

Day 4:
...just got back from the cream concert and you missed an amazing time. the energy in madison square garden was ridiculous. well, at least i tried. i see you are picking up my messages and i suppose i will have to keep trying you until you either ask me for a photo or tell me to buzz off! what is it that you are looking for? if you are so adventurous, then why don't you take just the slightest bit of risk and respond to me. even if we are just friends, i have a huge network of good people i can hook you into. i was born and raised here and want to reach out to you. anyway, back to in living color that show. ciao bella -samuel

Day 5:
Subject: you crazy woman
Message: shame onyou"
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Thursday, March 16, 2006

What More Funny Is

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader, who says:
"here's one i just received. i'm not sure what is more
funny (or, what more funny is): the cute grammatical
inversions, or the fact there this is somehow a
compliment hidden inside the insult."

The email:

"Hi, I looked at these advertisements on Internet by
all and thought : look once to all these bad,
desperate, solitary women...' and I saw then your
profile and thought 'Hey, here a bad, desperate,
solitary woman who in fact NICE is...' I thought I
once must write and will see if you are such
interesting as you seem in your profile. Here my
address is:...

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Monday, March 13, 2006

Does Persistence Pay Off?

A set of two emails, which an "I Liked Your Profile" reader claims were sent within a few hours of each other:
Email #1
"Would Marcel Proust's "Rememberance of Things Past" have been the same if he would have met you? Probably not. Would his life have been more interesting, Id probably have to say yes.

Rebecca, finding you here this sunny Sunday morning, definitely bodes well for how this day will go for me. I really enjoyed what you had to say. I very much appreciate your independence, pragmatism, quest for the non-mundane and affinity for Eastern European cuisine.

Definitely a man willing to make the big jump with an equally fearless partner. It would make my day to hear from you.



Email #2
"Hello Again,

Im a firm believer in persistence. So I throw caution to the wind and send another note your way.

I saw that you read my email but I wasnt sure how it might have come across. Its very hard to tell whether the person writing is full of themselves, sarcastic, tongue in cheek, trying to be funny, etc. Theyre not in front of us, so we cant tell what their facial expressions are, the tone, are they smiling, and so on.

I dont know if I came off a bit over the top, full of myself or something to that effect. Im not, Im a genuinely nice guy who's lived a life. Im fun, romantic, world aware, strong desire to learn, and to be with someone who wants life to be a grand adventure and knows that life is challenging, but we dont have to constantly remind ourselves of that. To me, it seemed that on initial pass, you fit that bill.

Finding you here, well, it was very exciting for me. Thats why I wrote then, thats why I write now. Im not much for drama and certainly not very melodramatic myself. So if I dont hear from you, Im quite certain life will go on, the water in my sink will still drain in a clockwise manner, the sun will rise and set where it does, and we'll still be driving on the left side of the road. But who knows, it could be more fun if I did hear from you. Isnt it worth finding out?

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Monday, March 06, 2006

I Beseech You

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader, who claims this email was written by a guy trying to reconnect with her. Although not exactly an online dating email, it comes close enough for a post:
"subject: re: contact

do forgive my most thoughtless inattention. my life has slipped into an excruciatingly ill-timed state of radical mediocrity, and i have been far too distracted by nothing in particular to give thought, much less effort, to anything of import. to my greatest dismay, your invitation comes at a time when my next three evenings have been spoken for, but i do beseech: think you not that your gracious calls fall upon deaf ears nor meet with unsympathetic sentiment. too many the hours that have slipped past already, and too few remain to allow them similar fate. my proposal is eventide saturday, at the hour of your choosing, though my tardy reply commands me beg you not inconvenience prior arrangement or custom for the sake of that easily reappointed.

i do most humbly and eagerly await your reply"
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Thursday, March 02, 2006

Too Mucah Chest Hair

Submitted by an "I Liked Your Profile" reader:

"Subject: Huge ego, too mucah chest hair and a mysogynist

Message: I dunno why I wrote that subject line other than it making me giggle.

You seem really great so I went snooping on your profile to find something to write about. There was plenty to talk about, but what struck me came from those fill in boxes. Under cuisine interests I read "cat, dog". I read it like 5 times. It took a while for me to get it right.

Well if you're into Hawaiian Jews who are into scrabble but not reading accurately, email me!

What are your fav three ice cream flavors and board games--I promise I won't misread you answer.

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